


Realizations

by amaryllis (Lilly0)



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Banter, Boys Being Boys, Boys In Love, Caring Sean Renard, Confessions, Declarations Of Love, Difficult Decisions, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feels, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Please Don't Hate Me, leave the past behind, moving forward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 07:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/amaryllis
Summary: Sean wants Nick. The problem is he doesn’t know if Nick wants him too, or if he just likes the sex. So much happened between them, that Sean wonders if Nick is ready to leave their past behind and move forward.





	Realizations

 

Sean considers himself being a fairly patient man. Not over the top patient obviously, but he is patient as much as his common sense allows him to be.

 

Patient-ish.

 

He is a strategist, he can sit and watch and wait for his prey. And he is able to wait longer than usual if he truly wants something.

 

So for him to reach the end of his patience and just be _done_ with something...is rare.

 

Admittedly he and Nick didn’t have the best of all starts. From working together to being allies to being enemies to a point they would have killed the other in the blink of an eye. Then back to allies.

 

Sean knows he would have. Killed Nick. Or have him killed.

 

He is a bit embarrassed to admit how far he went and how much further he would have gone just to hunt Nick down. He can’t even fully blame it on the Zauberbiest inside him. Part of it was also himself, lost in a whirlwind of power and anger and jealousy.

 

If he can’t have Nick, no one should.

 

 

For the longest while he was convinced he didn’t love Nick. It’s not love. Lust maybe, want, need. Like he wants to possess a rare accessory. To own a Grimm. The advantages it would bring him, the power, the reputation.

 

He had to almost lose it all to realize what it means to him.

 

Kind of sad and pathetic actually, as true as it is. Not that he will ever admit it to anyone, not even to Nick.

 

He fought hard to get this chance of an actual future with Nick. He is eager to make it work, but he can’t fight alone.

 

Their problem is probably that when they were at their lowest, Renard would have stabbed Nick in the back anytime. Figuratively. And literally.

 

While Nick wouldn’t.

 

They both know it, know how far he would have gone and what he would have done to Nick. Being aware of this is probably their problem… but maybe also why they work. They know each other’s shortcomings, and can help where the other lacks.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sean finishes his work way after Nick, and decides to drive to Nick’s place directly. They originally agreed to still discuss where to meet, but it’s difficult. Like always. Nick has said yes, they should meet, but then he has retracted again.

 

Like always.

 

Sometimes it’s better, and Nick acts on the spur of the moment, and they will end up in bed together. They work well there. In bed.

 

But it’s not enough.

 

And this weekend is perfect to get down to the problem. Sean has decided that either they will work it out today and come to a real mutual agreement about what to do with their relationship – or whatever Nick wants to call it – or they will have to quit it. It’s not healthy that way.

 

Sean wants Nick. The problem is he doesn’t know if Nick wants him too, or if he just likes the sex. If he just can’t let go.

 

It’s difficult.

 

But then, when was it ever simple?

 

He decides to give Nick a short notice though that he is dropping by, because it would feel wrong not to do it. Nick doesn’t tell him not to come, so… that’s that.

 

When he arrives in Nick’s apartment the room smells like pasta. “Hello Nick,” Sean says while he approaches said man carefully.

 

Nick turns to look at him for a short moment. There is a smile on his face for a second before it’s replaced again by a more complicated expression. “Hi,” he says turning towards his pan again.

 

“Adalind took Diana and Kelly and went on a weekend trip with Juliette,” Renard explains.

 

“I know,” Nick nods.

 

“Do you need help with cooking?” Sean offers.

 

“No,” Nick answers sharply.

 

Sean leans back against the door. “Anything else you want me to do?”

 

Nick turns around again, looking at him for a while, then he turns off the stove and approaches Sean. The same as always, Sean thinks, when Nick is in front of him, eyes clouded with all kind of complicated emotions. Then he grabs Sean’s tie and pulls him down into a hungry kiss. Sean’s hands move to Nick’s hips, grabbing them tightly before he turns them over, pressing Nick against the wall. Nick’s lips roam his neck now, biting down against his shoulder, so hard it makes Sean growl.

 

It’s only minutes later that Nick bends over the kitchen table and Sean fucks him relentlessly. It’s all they ever do, even when Sean had other plans. It seems to be the only way for Nick to bear having him around. Sean had affairs before, lots of them, but he doesn’t want Nick to be just that. But Nick is not willing to commit. Sean knows that, yet he can’t turn away from from Nick either. Sometimes it feels like Nick is his drug.

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

“I want to go to a restaurant.” Sean has just showered, and instead of leaving like Nick probably wants him to he approaches him again, even takes one of the kitchen knives and starts cutting some vegetables. “With you.”

 

“Why?” Nick mutters, watching in obvious surprise how Sean is cooking for them. “Isn’t this better?”

 

“No,” Sean states bluntly.

 

“No?” Nick raises his eyebrows in an infuriating way. It’s obvious he just wants to provoke Sean. Sean has to fight the urge to slap the dirty grin from his face. “You just had your fun, didn’t you?”

 

“I’m not here for that,” Sean points out, calmly, or rather as calm as he can be. “Not solely.”

 

Nick stares at him, rolling his eyes. “Right. You are just here to talk?”

 

Sean shrugs. “Well, that would be a beginning.”

 

Nick laughs bitterly. “As if.”

 

“As if what?”

 

“You don’t do relationships,” Nick points out.

 

“So, this means you don’t want to have an affair either?” Sean asks, catching Nick’s bitter tone immediately. He decides to stay as calm as possible, it’s probably going to have the better outcome.

 

“What else could we have?” Nick asks. “It just happened that we went on an undercover mission together, and ended up fucking each other.”

 

“Yes, and considering it’s you and you don’t seem to be the type to do one-night-stands, I figured you would want to try more than just sex,” Sean crosses his arms in front of his body, and leans back a bit. He tries to read Nick’s expression, but it’s freaking difficult.

 

“I...” Nick pauses. “I thought you were drunk.”

 

Sean raises his eyebrows. “I’m never drunk.”

 

“But why?” Nick stares at him in surprise. “Why did you...”

 

“Why did you?” Sean asks in return.

 

Nick throws him an annoyed glance. “I went with the mood,”he finally mutters.

 

“And what was the mood?” Sean wants to know.

 

“Steaming hot,” Nick answers promptly, before he blushes. He huffs in sudden annoyance. “Why are you suddenly asking the questions? As far as I’m concerned you are the sly Zauberbiest.”

 

Sean rubs a finger over his temples. “Let me summarize,” he finally says. “You don’t do affairs, but it just so happened that we had sex. And then we met afterwards and always ended up in bed several times. So, we are kind of meeting, and since you don’t do affairs... does that mean you would be willing to try more than that?”

 

“But you do affairs,” Nick points out defensively.

 

“This is not about me,” Sean argues. “I knew what I was getting myself into.” There is something flashing in Nick’s eyes, it’s just a very short moment, but nevertheless Sean caught it. “I’m not just fucking you for the sake of it. I like being with you, and I’m not going to leave you hanging just like that.”

 

“You did it before. Left someone in the blink of an eye, had a change of heart,” Nick says quietly. “I have no reason to trust you to treat me differently.”

 

“I didn't like any of my affairs the way I like you,” Sean says with insistence. “Besides none of them even wanted a relationship with me. It is different. Not that I don’t enjoy having sex with you, because obviously the sex is awesome, but I do want us to be more. Do you really think I would start something with you out of all if I didn’t mean it?”

 

Nick crosses his arms in front of his body. “I could be useful to you,” he frowns. “Or, I don't know what other advantage you get out of fucking a Grimm.”

 

“Why the heck are you even here if you think like that?” Sean asks, slowly starting to loose both his cool and patience.

 

“For starters, you wanted to meet,” Nick glares at him. Again, he is clearly provoking him. “Second this is my apartment.”

 

Sean lets out a deep sigh. There is no use to it, he thinks. He can work with Nick not trusting him, they have a long history after all, but he can’t stay with him when he actually doesn’t want him to. “I think,” Sean puts the knife aside and dries his hands with a towel. “I will go back to my place.”

 

“So, you are running away again?” Nick hisses.

 

“No,” Sean shakes his head. “I’m just taking a step back to give you the room you need. Because obviously this here...” He makes a wide gesture with his hands. “It’s not just going to work that way.”

 

“Because you don’t want it to work,” Nick argues.

 

“Oh, I want it to work,” Sean snaps. “I’m all in for this, but I can’t fight alone. So maybe you should think about if you really want this or not, and if you are really ready to forgive me and move on. Once you have an answer, feel free to enlighten me!”

 

Sean feels tired all of a sudden. He doesn’t even want to leave Nick behind, but maybe it’s better that way. When he opens the door to leave, his heart aches at the thought of the whole mess he is in, and about leaving Nick.

 

“Don’t go,” Nick mutters quietly.

 

It comes so much as a surprise that Sean instantly halts in his movements. “Excuse me?” he asks.

 

Nick looks to the ground. “Don’t… go.”

 

“But I thought you want me to leave?”

 

“Yes, and no.” Nick pauses. “Shit, Sean, don’t leave. Just don’t.”

 

Sean closes the door again. He can take Nick’s horrible mood and his anger, everything, as long as he knows Nick actually wants him around. “We need to do something about this,” he states quietly.

 

Nick looks down to the floor. “I know,” he says. “I… I know I’m not being fair. I just... when we are in bed my brain switches off… but when we aren’t it’s on alert again.”

 

“I know exactly what you mean,” Sean admits. He pauses. “I meant what I said earlier.”

 

Nick nods tentatively. “Just what did you say?”

 

“You really want me to repeat everything?

 

“I just don’t get it,” Nick argues. “I don’t understand. Why is this even remotely important to you? Why am I important you?”

 

“Fine, I love you,” Sean spats out. “Here I said it! Are you happy now!?”

 

Nick stares at him. “What?”

 

“You out of all should know I’m not a man of many words. So stop making me say embarrassing things and act like a cheesy love-com hero.” To Sean’s surprise Nick is blushing slightly all of a sudden. “Why are you embarrassed now?” Sean asks with a sigh. “I’m the one saying embarrassing things.”

 

“But I’m the one who didn’t expect them,” Nick admits, his gaze shifting around nervously until it lingers on Sean’s face.

 

“Just answer me one question,” Sean looks at Nick, waiting for him to nod before he continues. “Do you want this to work? Or am I wasting my time? Because you know, we can build trust and understanding, we can work on a relationship together, but only if you are willing to commit. Are you?”

 

Nick licks his lips nervously. “I am.”

 

Sean feels relieved. “Good, because you know, Nick, at one point the initial attraction and sexual needs will get less. Then you have to like me as a person,” Sean looks at Nick insistently. “I know I’m a big dick, but you need to like me for more than that.”

 

For a split second it’s deathly silent, and Sean inwardly curses himself for slipping and making such a stupid joke now of all times. Then something around Nick’s lips tug all of a sudden.

 

One of Sean’s eyebrows pop up. “Are you laughing?” he says with a smirk.

 

“No,” Nick obviously tries to keep his composure and sound serious, but he fails miserably.

 

“Really? I just had to drop a dick joke to make you laugh,” he teases further. “It’s simple as that?”

 

“Shut up, you idiot!” Nick blurts out. “I hate you. You are not supposed to make me laugh when I’m mad at you!”

 

“You really are beautiful,” Sean muses, letting his fingers glide down Nick’s cheek, touching his neck.

 

“Oh come one,” Nick rolls his eyes, skillfully hiding his embarrassment. Only the hint of a flush on his cheeks gives it away.

 

Sean has sharp eyes, and sharp senses. But for the sake of not alienating Nick too much, he doesn’t point out the obvious. Sean shakes his head. “From the first moment that I laid eyes on you, I thought you really were a piece of eye-candy.”

 

“Oh my god,” Nick breaths out. “What is wrong with you today!? Is it your goal to make me wish a vicious Wesen would appear and swallow me.”

 

“They would die trying,” Sean mutters.

 

“So,” Nick shifts around nervously. “You want to stay for dinner?”

 

“Does dinner involve actual food or your butt?” Sean asks with a deadpan expression.

 

Nick glares at him first, before a grin spreads across his face. “Both,” he snickers. “Maybe both.”

 

Jeez, Sean rolls his eyes. This guy will be the end of him. One day. But he can’t help it. He just likes him a little too much to stay away.

**Author's Note:**

> I am such a slow writer *lol* I had this in the making for weeks... and now it's finally finished! 
> 
> They are both such idiots sometimes ^^ But I love them nevertheless.   
> I hope you liked this one-shot too! ♥
> 
> As always your comments and feedback are loved and appreciated!
> 
>  
> 
> PS: To everyone I promised to write a story for, don't worry, I haven't forgotten! (I am just... slow ^^ But the drunk!Sean story at least is already in the making ;-))


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